It’s a well known fact that I am a geek girl. Not as much of a geek as some, admittedly. In fact, I have a greater credentialing in the geek world than I actually deserve. Why? Well, simply because I’ve been fortunate enough to associate with a higher class of geek than most.

Many years ago, I played a lot of RPGs (role-playing games, for the uninitiated). Dungeons & Dragons, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, Heroes Unlimited, Villains and Vigilantes, Twilight 2000 and so on down the line.

I loved them. I’d still be playing them, if it weren’t for a decided lack of reasonably intelligent adults who have the time and wherewithal to spend unending hours playing these games, never mind finding someone with the energy and talent to lead the fearless troupe into and out of entirely fabricated dangers.

One of the RPGs I played and loved was Star Wars. Admittedly, while I loved the movies as a child, and will always keep a place in my heart for the whole franchise, the primary reason I loved the game was because of the people I played with, and the person running the game.

Back then, we were a bunch of teenagers, with not much by way of responsibility outside of some basics. We were university students, “mooching of the parents” bums, bums waiting to get into college . . . in short, as motley a group as you’d imagine.

However.

When the person running your game (called a GM) is a person with a (literal!) encyclopedic knowledge of the lore surrounding Star Wars AND is a tremendous artist to boot, you can expect to end up with an extraordinary game.

What you might not expect is to become part of the lore yourself.

From: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Raleigh_Dawn

Yup. That’s my first name. And that’s the character I created, though her nickname was different back then.

I really enjoyed making her, and living her. I’m delighted that she’s become a part of something bigger.

I can’t take much credit, though.

This is simply what happens when your unassuming but very talented GM ends up making a career out of the aforementioned stunning knowledge and talent.

Go Pablo.

Some days are dark. They just start out that way, and no matter how much sunshine you see, it never seems to lighten.It may just be a hint in the air of stress, of worry, of despair. Or a simple vacuum where you’re accustomed to seeing life.

Today, I read about a woman who kidnapped her ten month old daughter and that police fear for the child’s life. I am torn between feeling horrified that any woman could be considered a threat to her own child and an odd sympathy based on how I’d feel if my relationship with my child were threatened.

I watched people who have never felt secure in their job give into despair, knowing that they give into it every day, and still get up and come back for more.

I thought about what it must be like to have your child develop normally from birth, only to discover after a handful of precious months that your child will stop developing, and will never have more than the capacity of an infant.

I realized that the familial relationships I formed with people are gone, rendered down to nothing more than negotiations on timing, and a civilized birthday greeting.

I wanted to plant flowers and herbs and instead, have to brace for more snow.

I wished for things to be settled, and realized that that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

You know it’s not based in anything intelligent, these days. My life is no less happy today than it was yesterday. I’m no less in love and no less infatuated with the children in my life today than I was yesterday.

And yet, it’s a dark day. Perhaps it’s a necessary darkness, in order to appreciate what we have. Perhaps we all need to grieve for things that may not even be ours.

Because it’s a dark day, I don’t have anything more.